The End Will Be Better Than the Beginning

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.  Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

John 7:37-38

Another year of my life is drawing to a close.  It has been an ordinary year of ups and downs, joys and delights with family, friends, and my horse, and with a smattering of trials that crept in and threatened to pull me away from my faith in Jesus Christ.  When the trials came, I have often prayed that God would "restore to me the joy of [His] salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit" (Psalm 51:12).  I may wallow in self-pity for a moment, but He has never failed to do just that.  Restoration by the LORD is a beautiful thing.

I know many who will look back upon the last year as unproductive or unfulfilled, but they are only looking at the surface and what they perceive to be their own accomplishments and efforts, rather than acknowledging their Creator and their own inability to even exist without Him.  They will make New Year resolutions that will not be kept, setting their eyes on unattainable goals, only to fail and be disappointed at next year's end, where they will make new resolutions.  "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit^{' -}  yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?  For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.   Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'  (James 4:13-15)

And so the cycle goes.

I have experienced this myself.  I have looked towards tomorrow with anticipation to self-made plans, only to watch them never materialize.  I have known disappointment far more times than I can count in my nearly 61 years.  I have often wondered why my idea of how my life should be lived never seems to come to fruition; why I can't have the life others lead and the comforts they enjoy.  But then I am reminded that my life is not my own.  I am given a choice to either whine, moan, or covet after what I don't have, or rest in the knowledge that what I do have is what God desires for me and be eternally grateful for it.  He alone knows me and what I am capable of handling.  He alone knows what is best for me.  And what I do have are gifts from Him that are beyond comparison to what so many others lack.  He has upheld me with His strength even in my darkest moments and His daily bounties have been magnificent!

As I look back over the years and the times I found myself in despair or need, God was always present, whether I acknowledged Him then, or not.  As I grew in faith, my thirst for my Savior Jesus Christ compelled me to drink from His bottomless well of providence, mercy, and grace.  And I have returned there every day for renewal, because I know He is the compilation and completion of all that I am.  Without Him, I will die from thirst.  But with Him, my thirst is quenched for all eternity. 
 

I know with all my heart that the end of my life here on this earth will be far better than its beginning.  I, like all sinners, didn't start out that well.  I stumbled and faltered often and made mistake after mistake.  But the finish line is in view and I know Who it is that is waiting for me there with open arms and the beginning of what life is truly meant to be.

It is my desire for the New Year 2015 that those I know and love who have yet to receive their Savior Jesus Christ will come to Him and drink deeply from the living, eternal waters of life that He is offering you.  Don't resolve to put it off for another day.  Don't think you can plan when, how, and where you will respond for, if you do, you may one day face a locked door:

 “Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom.  Five of them were foolish, and five were wise.   For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them,  but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps.   As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept.   But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’   Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps.   And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’   But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’   And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut.   Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’   But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’  Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour."  (Matthew 25:1-14)

I pray you will hear and heed His voice.  The day is growing shorter and His return is on the horizon.  Who knows what next year, tomorrow, or even the next moment, will bring?

Jesus is calling,

  ^"Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.   For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

For this coming New Year, repent of your sins against a Holy God and resolve to know, trust, and have faith in your Savior Jesus Christ.  May it be so.

Have a blessed and Happy New Year!

Hidden Cosmic Compost

 





Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23:24, NIV 

I decided that yesterday was the day I needed to clean house.  Much to my chagrin, I don't divide my time well and have a tendency to allow housework to go untended.   I'm not a messy housekeeper, in the least, but I tend to "surface clean," which satisfies me at that particular moment.  That is, until my conscience gets hold of me and forces me into action.  Yesterday was such a day.  I figured the dog and grandbabies had tracked in enough dirt after the week of rain we had, so I dragged myself up and went at it.

Mind you, I had no intention of doing a "deep clean".  You know the kind: moving furniture and scrubbing every nook and cranny and rooting out hidden offenses - what some call "Spring cleaning," even if it is mid-summer.  But I certainly decided that the vacuum attachments should be put to use; at least jabbing around with them under the couch, chairs, and into the corners.  If there was something that had fallen in those locations, I hadn't missed them and their importance was subject to debate.

As I reached the end of that process, I noticed a ball of dust poking out from behind a particular spot I had been ignoring for some time.  It was one of those locations that's small and out of sight, out of mind.  Moving things out of the way and looking closer, I realized how bad it really was.   The originator of the term "cosmic compost" escapes me at the moment (it was from a funny book I read over 35 years ago), but that's exactly what was staring at me.  The term "dust bunny" was just too mild and benign to compare to it.  So much had accumulated, it was difficult to recognize the object it surrounded.  As it leered at me like some monster out of a horror movie, I began viciously sucking it up with the vacuum, hoping that would satisfy me until I got serious about scrubbing from top to bottom.

It didn't.

Once the small offending ball of dust, hair, and who knows what was gone, more began to appear.  It seemed endless as dust and smaller balls of "cosmic compost" drifted down from the fabric it was hiding behind, and the worst of it was that when I finally got it all, what was lurking underneath was equally as offensive.

So much for cleaning the surface, today.  I spent the next half hour making sure that I had gotten everything in that corner and decided to take a quick look in a couple more.   When I was done, I sat down and started thinking about how complacent we are over things as trivial as housecleaning.  We want to put off for tomorrow what can easily be done today.  But even more, I began to equate it with the corners of our heart that we rarely examine for a buildup of sin.

Like the ignored dust that collected in the dark corner of my home, unrepentant sin can begin as a mote of dust lying idle in a corner of our hearts and can quickly build into a disgusting mess that we are forced to deal with after it has grown into a nearly unmanageable size.  Merely giving our a hearts a quick surface check-over doesn't address the hidden problems that may be lurking there.  We need to look deeply into every nook, every cranny, and every corner for the hidden sins that keep us from having a meaningful relationship with our God and Savior Jesus Christ.  And we need to do it often.

This is not to say that God isn't aware of every spot, wrinkle, stain, smear, or ball of "cosmic compost" that inhabit our hearts.  He is our Creator and knows our thoughts and our actions, including what we may be harboring in our hearts:

 “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."   

(Jeremiah 17:10)  

 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    You discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. 

(Psalm 139:1-4)

Jesus Christ is our Savior because the blood of His atonement provided all that is necessary to clean us up for salvation.  All the needful scouring of our depraved hearts (sanctification) is performed by the Holy Spirit by shining His brilliant light into the dark recesses where sin may be hiding so that we may recognize them, repent, and our hearts prepared to receive the truth of God's Word.  We need to be eternally grateful that this cleansing process was afforded a worm such as us.  Without it, our souls would be caught up in the filth of sin and we would be judged accordingly.

If finding the mess I was forced to confront did anything for me yesterday, it convinced me that I need to ask the LORD to daily search my heart for any hidden "cosmic compost" that's lurking there.  Ignoring it won't make it go away, anymore than ignoring the forgotten corner of my home.  Sin needs to be confessed and rooted out.  After all, the Holy Spirit abides there.

Have you examined the corners of your heart, lately?  There just may be something skulking there that needs your immediate attention.  If there is, don't put it off - get after it for the honor and glory of God.

Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Rev. 3:19, ESV

  

I Am Truly A Wretch

This morning, I sat down to continue on in the book of Romans.  I have been reading small portions each day from my MacArthur ESV Study Bible, including John's commentary, which greatly enhances the study.  My late Pastor Paul, who worked under MacArthur, once told me that John MacArthur preached on the book of Romans for 10 years.  Paul, himself, preached (if I'm remembering right) about 3 or 4 years, plowing through the rich mine of wealth that's to be found there and faithfully passing it on to the congregation.  If you have been blessed to have a pastor like Paul or John, who will devote himself with such tremendous passion to the Word, you have been blessed, indeed!

Today's verses gave me a serious pause, but only after seeing myself through the eyes of God.  As I read chapter 3, verses 9 through 18, the words resonated in my mind and penetrated my heart.  I found myself reading the verses out loud, then re-reading them a couple more times out loud.  It became obvious that the point was being driven home: I am a wretched sinner, and I needed to be reminded just how wretched I truly am.

Because of our profession of Jesus Christ, we often forget that the sinful baggage we carried in the past still has the propensity to rear its ugly head, now and then.  Forgiven, we are, and nothing, nor anyone, can or will separate His children from the love of Christ (Rom. 8:35-39).  But because we are still in our flesh, we continue to sin.  Most professing Christians don't want to be told that.  They would prefer to ride in on the laurels of their new-found state, declaring, "I'm definitely not as bad as THAT guy!"  The difference between a true believer and a pretender is that when the true believer sins, conviction is immediate and repentance comes quickly.  He understands that he is just as much a wretch as the next guy, regardless of the degree or severity of the sin.  The pretender uses his self-perceived position of salvation to justify his behavior or sin.  He flippantly brushes it away, using the false and damning excuse that he's only human.  "After all, Jesus died for every offense I will commit, right?  So, no sweat!  I've got this!"

But the Word of God tells a very different story.  And although the Bible is full of evidence, from beginning to end, of the total depravity of mankind and what man is capable of, Romans 3:9-18 is perhaps the most compounded, undeniably clear, broadly construed assertion that we aren't what we pridefully confess ourselves to be.

We are wretched.

Let's take it verse by verse, with convincing snippets of Pastor MacArthur's commentary following each verse in italics. I would encourage you to read the following verses out loud.  They do carry an impact.

Concerning verses 9 through 18, MacArthur states, "Paul strings together a series of OT quotations that indict the character (vv 10-12), conversation (vv 13-14), and conduct (vv15-17) of all men.  Nine times he uses the words such as 'none' and 'all' to show the universality of human sin and rebellion" (emph. mine)

"What then?  Are we Jews any better off?  No, not at all.  For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin ("completely enslaved and dominated by sin"), as it is written:

• "None is righteous, no, not one;" (Ps 14:1-3 and 53:1-3) - "Man is universally evil" (cf. Ps. 14:1)

• "no one understands;" - "Man is unable to comprehend the truth of God or grasp His standard of righteousness (see Ps. 14:2; 53:3; ;cf. 1 Cor 2:14)  Sadly, his spiritual ignorance does not result from a lack of opportunity (Rom. 1:19, 2:15), but is an expression of his depravity and rebellion (Eph. 4:18).

• "no one seeks after God." - "See Ps. 14:3.  This verse clearly implies that the world's false religions are fallen man's attempts to escape the true God - not to seek Him.  Man's natural tendency is to seek his own interests (cf. Phil 2:21), but his only hope is for God to seek him (John 6:37, 44).  It is only as a result of God's work in the heart that any seeks Him (Ps. 16:8, Matt. 6:33).

• "All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;"  - "See Ps. 14:3.  This word basically means 'to lean in the wrong direction.'  It was used to describe a soldier's turning the wrong way, or deserting.  All men are inclined to leave God's way and pursue their own (cf. Isa 53:6).

• "no one does good, not even one." - See note on verse 10.

How are you doing?  Still need more convincing proof?  God gets a bit more forceful describing our nature in the following verses.  Let's continue...

• "Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongue to deceive." - "See Ps. 5:9.  Graves were sealed not only to show respect for the deceased, but to hide the sight and stench of the body's decay.  As an unsealed grave allows those who pass to see and smell what is inside, the unregenerate person's open throat - that is, the foul words that come from it - reveal the decay of his heart (cf. Prov 10:31-32; 15:2, 28; Jer. 17:9; Matt 12:34-35; 15:18; James 3:1-12).

• "The venom of asps is under their lips." - "See Ps. 140:3 ["They make their tongue sharp as a serpent's, and under their lips is the venom of asps."]; cf Matt 3:7; 12:34 [Jesus calls the Pharisees a "brood of vipers"]" 

• "Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness." - "This is quoted from Ps. 10:7.  It refers to wanting the worst for someone and publicly expressing that desire in caustic, derisive language.  'bitterness.'  The open, public expression of emotional hostility against one's enemy (cf. Ps. 64:3-4).

• "Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known." - "3:15-17 - This is quoted from Isa. 59:7-8.   'ruin and misery'.  Man damages and destroys everything he touches, leaving a trail of pain and suffering in his wake.  'way of peace'.  Not the lack of an inner sense of peace, but man's tendency toward strife and conflict, whether between individuals or nations (cf. Jer. 6:14)

And now the piece de resistance, the profound summation of all the above accusations:

• "There is no fear of God before their eyes." - "See Ps. 36:1.  Man's true spiritual condition is nowhere more clearly seen than in the absence of a proper submission to and reverence for God.  Biblical fear for God consists of 1) awe of His great glory, and 2) dread of the results of violating that holy nature (cf. Prov. 9:10; 16:6; Acts 5:1-11, 1 Cor. 11:30).

In verse 19, Paul writes, "Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law [Jews, through the written law of Moses, and Gentiles, who have the works of the law written on their hearts], so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God."

The Law was written in order that man would see his utter inability to keep any jot or tittle of it and point him to Jesus Christ, and because man is unable to keep it, he is cursed by that inability.  In simpler words, his mouth is zipped shut and he's without any excuse.  We know that the law makes sin known, but we also know it can't save us.  Instead the Law condemns us.  As Scripture tells us, if we have broken one commandment, we have broken them all (James 2:10).  If you believe you aren't guilty, I challenge you to take this short quiz.

So, what do we do?  How do we solve this sin problem?  The answer is that we can't do anything to make ourselves less of a wretch and clean ourselves up by attempting to adhere to and keep the Law.  Our works, our deeds, our good intentions are worthless and ineffective when it comes to pleasing God.  The prophet Isaiah summed it up in this verse:  "We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.  We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." (Isaiah 64:6)    When one understands the meaning behind "polluted garment," or as the NIV translates it, "filthy rag," the meaning of "unclean" becomes quite clear.

Look out on today's world and the condition it's in.   The world is a HUGE a mess of decay, debauchery, unrighteousness, and outright wickedness.  Evil abounds in every corner.  Abortion is universally encouraged and accepted under the guise of "personal choice," even within the church which largely avoids speaking out against this child sacrifice to Molech.  Homosexuality and every form of sexual deviancy fills every nook and cranny of a society that demands Christians be tolerant.  Porn, not only rampant outside the church, but within it.  Lying and not being called on it.  Adultery.  Covetousness.  Disrespect of parents, elders, and society at large.   Blasphemy.   Wolves standing behind the pulpit preaching falsehoods and filling the minds of their hearers with heresy and gleefully emptying their congregant's pockets.  Unbelief and outright enmity and antagonism for God and His Word.   Violence on every street of every nation.  Hatred of all that is moral and virtuous.  Ethnic wars being waged and hostility poured out upon our brothers and sisters who are persecuted in over 60 nations.  Governments corrupted with the pride, arrogance, and greed of their leaders...

...the list is endless and only limited to man's vile and malevolent imagination - and it's getting worse each day.

It kind of makes your head want to explode, doesn't it?

"There is no fear of God before their eyes"

That's us, folks.  Mankind in all our flawed "glory" (and I use that term very loosely).   Having been made in the image of God by His own hands, but doing everything we can to malign and denigrate that image and to thwart and negate His very Word.

If you could look at yourself through God's eyes, what would you see?  Would you see a son or daughter clothed in the blood of Jesus' righteousness, striving to keep firmly entrenched in the Word of God, standing on His  foundation, and continuously repenting of your ever sinful thoughts and actions and striving to finish the race well? (2Tim 4:7-8)  Would you see the wretch you truly are when you consider God's great power and glory?

Or does that image of you reflect a pseudo you; one who wears the badge of Christianity, yet secretly, or even openly, revels in godlessness and arrogantly thinks God doesn't notice or shrugs His shoulders because it's just a little straying off the pathway, a short jog in the road, and, after all, you are all you were meant to be?  No one is perfect, right?

Let me answer that:  there was only One who was perfect, but we are supposed to strive for His perfection, putting off the "old man" and putting on the new (Eph. 4:17-24).  In other words, we need to get out of the gutter.

Do you see yourself as you should?  Like I see myself?  A man or woman much worse than the next; a wretched sinner, chief among them all, grieving the Holy Spirit daily, and unworthy of the deep, abounding and abiding love and providence God continues to pour out on us?

Each one of us should tremble at the thought that the day is coming when we will stand before Almighty God in all His glory and holiness - an image we can't even begin to comprehend! - and the unrepentant life we led, thoughts we had, and things we did or did not do will be splayed before us.  Even more dire is that they may condemn us: 

"On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and cast out demons in Your name, and do many mighty works in Your name?’  And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of lawlessness...’" (Matt 7:22-24).

"There is no fear of God before their eyes"

For those who are true professors of Jesus Christ, they understand that Scripture isn't talking about the kind of fear that causes dread and anxiety.  They know it to mean reverential awe, admiration, and submissiveness to Almighty God and a "good understanding" of His righteous standards of holiness and justice.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding." (Ps. 111:10)

However, within the body of Christ, there is a growing number of professing Christians who are not being told that the "wisdom and instruction" contained within the Word of God is there to benefit them in their spiritual growth.  A whole new breed of "fools" are being reared in the church through apostate and heretical teaching, ungodly entertainment, idolatry, complacency and apathy, and a watered-down, seeker-sensitive Gospel that is void of its very essence - the actual Gospel!

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." (Prov. 1:7)

They "despise" the truth of God when it's presented to them; after all, that's not what their pastor told them!  "He told me he didn't believe in total depravity and that there was good in all of us!"  (I actually witnessed a pastor utter those words in his sermon - and it was the last one I suffered through).  They are quickly becoming deficient in making good judgment, and unwisely following after the world and its cunning wiles because they are witnessing it from their pew within the very church they attend and, as described above, straight from the mouths of those who are supposed to be leading them towards Christ's righteousness.  And as they blithely trip along throughout their lives, once in a while dipping their toes into the polluted waters of sin and foolishly thinking there is nothing wrong with an occasional  hiatus away from holiness, they are proving God's admonition and point:  

Man is wretched to the very core of his soul.

There is a solution to all this.  Although the apostle Paul begins the above verses with a precise demonstration of mankind's current state of wretchedness, God's righteousness, the Law and faith and their purpose and effect, and very clearly details God's holy judgment and wrath that will be poured out upon the unrighteous, unrepentant sinner, he brings us full circle to the cure:

"But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the Law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe.  For there is no distinction:  for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by His blood, to be received by faith.  This was to show God's righteousness, because in His divine forbearance He had passed over former sins ^{[delaying judgment to a future time].}  It was to show His righteousness at the present time, so that He might be just and the Justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus."

Yep, I am truly a wretch.  I have fallen short of God's glory and righteousness - far, far short.  I acknowledge my depravity and sinfulness that is before God's sight each and every moment and that rises as a stench to His nostrils.  But because Jesus Christ took upon Himself my wretchedness - crediting every sin I had and will commit to His own account, shed His precious, sinless blood, and on my behalf, bore the punishment I deserved - through Him I have found favor with God.  In a way, I guess you could say that when God now looks at me, He has narrowed His lens:

• God has shown me through His Word that I am incapable of doing anything to earn His favor.

• Through Christ's righteousness being imputed to me (justified through faith in Christ and His atoning work on the cross) and clothing me with His righteousness, the Father sees me also as righteous.

• God sees that I am seeking after Him and desiring His wisdom and a "good understanding" of Him and His Word.

• Instead of viewing me as a miserable, sinning wretch He probably wishes He had never created and destined for eternal condemnation, He sees His Son's worth in me, giving me great value, and has given me His Holy Spirit to gently keep me pointed in the right direction.

• Because the Holy Spirit is continuing His work of sanctifying me, the wretch I was before He came to dwell within me is slowly and surely being transformed into the perfect image of Jesus Christ.   I still battle the world and sin, and will continue to do so until this body of flesh is replaced with perfection, but the world's appeal is viewed with great disgust and fading fast into obscurity.

I am truly a wretch but, through the work of the Holy Spirit, I'm becoming less of one every day. 

My one true desire is to finally be rid of this body of flesh and the sinfulness it brings.  I long for the day when Jesus returns to establish His glorious kingdom upon this earth and restore justice.  But while He tarries, a spiritual battle is constantly being waged in my flesh.  Further on in the book of Romans, Paul laments over the war that's continually waged in his flesh and his mind (Rom. 7:15-25), and I can definitely relate.

But it's a battle that will, with absolute certainty, end in victory, for I know the One who victoriously waged the battle for my soul.  He suffered unimaginably for His wretched children, saving them from an eternity of death, gathering them unto Himself, sanctifying them to His perfection, and He deserves all the praise for His work. 

When that day finally comes - and when I consider all that is happening in the world, it can't come soon enough - I will rejoice in eternal praise and worship and fall on my face in humble adoration before the God who saved such a wretch as me.

"How deep the Father's love for us,

how vast beyond all measure;

that He should give His only Son

to make a wretch His treasure."

We Can Jump Together

As the weekend approaches, I am certain that at some point we will all be at Dierke’s Lake cooling off.  Thinking about going fills me with joy, simply because of the time it means our family gets to spend together.

Last weekend we went as well.  One of the things my kids (and my husband for that matter) love to do is jump the cliffs.  They climb the stoney paths to the top, contemplate their strategy, and then go for it!  They all seem to do it with such grace and ease.  Fear, of any kind, does not seem to be an issue.  Is it because of their youth?  Or is it simply just not that big of a deal?  After all, what’s the worst that could happen?  A belly-flop?  Nothing a few minutes on the dock wouldn’t cure.

While watching them jump over and over again, I found it to look like so much fun.  It truly isn’t that far of a fall, and when they hit the water and rise back up, they seem so exhilarated.  That’s it!  I want to do it!

Brent and I were sitting on the dock watching them when I turned to him and said, “I want to jump!”  Now to most people, this may not seem like any big deal, but to me, it was HUGE!  You see, I don’t even like step stools.  And a full size ladder?  Forget it!  I’m deathly terrified of heights!  So for me to actually want to jump was almost unbelievable.  Brent was excited for me though and jumped up, taking my hand, and off we went to walk the trail.

From the bottom it didn’t really seem that high, but from the top……. well, I might as well have been atop the Eiffel Tower!  My heart began to pound, my breathing became shallow, and I felt lightheaded.  Shoot, if I didn’t jump I was probably going to pass out and fall anyway!  Brent gently talked to me and took my hand again.  “I’ll hold your hand and we can jump together” he lovingly said.  Love doesn’t get much sweeter than that!  My kids were just as sweet.  They stood beside us, gently prodding me to jump, but understanding my fear.  For what seemed like an hour my toes gripped the rock I was standing on and my family patiently waited. 

But I didn’t jump.  I finally had to apologize, take the walk of shame back down the path and go back to the dock. 

I felt so sad and discouraged.  I really wanted to do this!  How could I be so afraid?  I’ve given birth….. twice…… and I can’t jump off a stupid rock?  Geesh! 

Then this morning, as I was spending my usual time praying and reading my Bible, it struck me….Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “Diving In”…………“I’m diving in, I’m going deep, in over my head I wanna be. Caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head I wanna go.  The river’s deep, the river’s wide, the river’s water is alive.  So sink or swim, I’m diving in!” 

And suddenly I began to compare my fear of jumping off that cliff into the water below, to the same fear I had before becoming a believer.  Not yet saved, I could still sin, right?  It was okay because I hadn’t committed my life to Christ yet, therefore I didn’t have to answer for my selfish fulfillment of all my desires.  I could just live life the way I wanted to and never have to fear condemnation for it.  Well, at least that’s what my unsaved heart was telling me.  But once I jumped off Satan’s cliff and into the arms of Jesus, life was going to suck!  I was going to have to stop drinking and partying and living the “good life”.  It was going to be all about prayer and reading the Bible and having to answer for everything I did wrong.  It sounded awful, and boring, and scary.  Almost  as scary as that dang ladder.  I shut out God’s call for me over and over  again, in fear.  I had no idea what giving my life to Christ was going to mean for me, just like I had no idea what jumping off that cliff was going to feel like, and I wasn’t going to do it! 

And then one day, as I lay on the family room floor, curled up in a ball, crying uncontrollably at the mess my life was in, Jesus gently came to me with an outstretched arm and said,  “Ill hold your hand and we can jump together.” 

My life has never been the same since.  Praise be to God, never again have I ever been as fearful as before I took His hand….. and jumped!

 We’ll be back at Dierke’s tomorrow…………..and this time, I’m diving in!!!





(This was written by my dear friend and sister in Christ, Leslie Blaser.  I would like to see more from her, wouldn't you?)

Who I Am

I am a saved sinner.

Because of the complexities of my gender, my race, my job, my position in society, my likes and dislikes, my natural gifts or talents, you may ask why I define myself this way.  These things and more usually define the person.

But, I tell you, I am a saved sinner.  Let me explain why.

I was born into this world with a inherited stain upon me that could not be removed in any normal way; a blemish that permeated every atom of my being.  Not a physical deformity or handicap.  No, this stain was unseen by my parent’s eyes as they gazed upon their newborn, seemingly perfect in every way, baby girl.  But it was there, none the less.

As I grew, the stain stayed with me.  In fact, it also grew.  And as the world introduced itself, I became like a dust mop gathering particles of sin and depravity among the threads and fibers of that stain.  At first, the cosmic compost of worldliness was subtle, yet the infection caused by it continued to spread.  When I left home and married, it gained speed until my wretchedness began to manifest itself not only inwardly, but outwardly, as well.

Adult responsibilities were often ignored.  I was drawn into the world’s underbelly of partying and revelry, alcohol and drugs, envy, lust, greed, lies, depression, and a threatened marriage.  For twelve years, the world’s appeal was a strong force, dragging me down in its murky, dark depths, and threatening to consume me forever in its blackness.  And I was unknowingly pulling my precious children, who were my most prized and beloved possession, along with me.

I can't tell you how or when I began to change.  But I can say that during the entire course of the years of not recognizing my sinfulness, I was pursued and wooed by the God I had heard of as a small child, but didn't know.  He kept me from completely destroying myself and my family.  He provided for me, even though I continued to offend Him.  He comforted me when I was in despair and desperation and pleading for help when I knew I had done wrong, but didn't know how or where to get the help.  All I know is that a strange and mysterious thing began to happen to me, and it came suddenly.

Shortly after my thirtieth birthday, He turned my face from the world and I began to search for His face.  The state with which I was in prevented me from immediately seeing Him, but the search for understanding had begun.  A weak but effective foundation of God’s law in a legalistic church had been established in my mind as a child.  Perhaps that’s why I always felt trapped and guilty over the wrong things I had done.  I just had no idea how to alleviate the guilt, because my childhood church didn't have the answer.  They were just as ensnared because they, too, were ignorant of grace and the One with all the answers.

I began to read the Bible, pouring through it again and again.  Yet, the answers still failed to come.  I consulted family members who adhered to their works and legalism, only receiving hard and impossible answers to the meaning of salvation and escape from the Hell preached to me as a child if I didn't embrace their legalistic doctrine.  My eyes feverishly looked everywhere.  My heart became frantic for answers and for redemption from my past that continued to haunt me.  But as each day passed, the crack that had been made in the cold, hard shell that encased my heart and kept me separated from seeing the God I wanted to know and understand began to grow larger and larger as chunks of it fell away.

The LORD began to pour out His Word in ways that defies my own reasoning.  What I was unable to understand before suddenly became clear to me.  He placed other Christians before me, including my precious sister, Dana, who had come out from her own struggle to understand.  We spent endless hours on the phone, the physical distance between us disappearing as we discussed what she was learning, studied, prayed, and exhorted one another.  God was not only opening my mind and heart to His Word, He was drenching me with the dew of understanding Him and introducing me to His Son Jesus Christ.  By His hand alone and using the faithfulness of others, He drew me from the darkness of the world and into His glorious Light.

For nearly ten years I battled the legalism of my former understanding, wanting desperately to retain some of it.  It wasn't sound reasoning that kept me bound to the false teaching of my youth.  It was fear.  Fear that if I failed to keep a portion of the misguided theology and doctrines forced upon me as a child, I would spend an eternity in Hell.  Yet, during the course of my conversion, my sister faithfully passed onto me what God was also pouring into her: the Truth of His Word, the miracle of the Cross, and the One Who was nailed to it.

For want of space and a willing ear, my story is abbreviated.  There is a vast distance between my physical birth and the day I was reborn; almost half a lifetime.  During my long struggle for understanding, God was also working in the hearts of other family members - my father, my mother, my husband, my children, as well as other members of my extended family.  Each one of us was drawn out of the world as we lived it, out from the false religion that had kept us bound, deaf, and blind, and were introduced to His Son Jesus Christ, and brought into His glorious light of salvation.  And for this, I will be eternally grateful.

I am a saved sinner.  The stain with which I was born is gone now, unseen by my Creator’s eyes.  It has been washed from me by the blood of my Savior’s sacrifice.

From time to time, I often remember how far the LORD has brought me.  I am reminded of the mistakes I made on my journey and sometimes grieve over them.  But they are merely passing remembrances because I know that Someone Else selflessly made restitution for them on my behalf.  In fact, He paid the penalty for them with His life.  I owe Him all of my devotion, praise, and worship for choosing me as His own child.

I can now look forward to the day when I will actually see the One Who faithfully walked beside me through it all, even in my most sinful state.  I owe all that I am to Him.

I am a saved sinner and a Christian who loves her LORD because He first loved me.

Like you may be as you read this, I was once a unsaved sinner  with no understanding, groping in darkness and lost in death.  But Grace reached out from eternity past and brought me into His glorious Light, saving me and giving me new and eternal life.

Who am I?  I am a child of God - and Jesus Christ is my SAVIOR my LORD, my KING, and my MASTER.

To Him be all the glory now and forevermore!

Keep Your Eyes Focused

Psalm 19:13

Today is a day of questions.  They are some things that have plagued me for a while, or those that have cropped up unexpectedly lately, demanding explanations, answers, and corrections.

The problem is that I want to apply unacceptable answers of my own for some of the questions that trouble me the most.  I can state the over-used excuse that I am under attack by the enemy who tirelessly assaults me, trying to disrupt the fellowship I have with others.  But then, I must admit I am not truly addressing the very basis that caused the question to arise in the first place.  I am only pointing the blame away from myself, perhaps at someone else, and unwilling to admit that it was probably a moment of weakness on my part that caused the response I received.

I have been thinking about this all morning.  Sometimes it takes a great deal of soul-searching to arrive at the proper conclusions to the questions that come to the forefront.  And the hardest thing for us to do is admit that there may be something about us that needs correction.

If, for even a split second, I take my eyes off of Jesus Christ, I become vulnerable and often display characteristics of the “old man” I once was.  I thought he was gone.  Or, at the very least, I thought I had him under control and could rein him in if he threatened to slip out.  It does not necessarily mean that the thing which I may have said or did was wrong, but it was the way I delivered or performed it that revealed part of the old nature of sin within me.  And it can be very subtle.  The enemy may have used that moment for his advantage, but it still does not excuse me for allowing him to do it.  I am the one who faltered and allowed him access to the situation, and it is my fault that it may have momentarily gotten out of control.

The comforting part of resolving the problem of the “old man” is in the length of time it takes me to regain the “new man” within me (2Corinthians 5:16-18).  Conviction is coming more rapidly, now days.  I am more easily able to recognize that, within everything I do and say, the enemy is lurking to take advantage, and I am more equipped to prepare myself ahead of time to deal with it.  I am being changed, transformed into the image of Christ, being made more like Him so that, when these instances do occur, the recovery time is much less (2Corinthians 3:17-18).  Even better is the fact that the conviction of my offense stays with me so that I am less apt to repeat it in the future (Romans 12:1-3).  I am able to give and receive forgiveness more eagerly (Colossians 3:13), and readily acknowledge that others also bear the burden of staving off the “old man” and allowing their new nature full control over their lives.

So, the answer to today’s question is this:  If I remember to keep my eyes focused fully upon my Lord, the fear of stepping into the enemy’s traps and allowing him entry and control over the situation, no matter how brief, will lessen.  It will also eliminate the desire to battle on my own the questions I have, for the right answers to all my questions are found in Jesus Christ.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
  Look full in His wonderful face,   
  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
  In the light of His glory and grace.”