Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Who Erased the Chalkboard?

I'm in a funk.

As you can see from the date of the last post, it's been six weeks since I added anything to the blog - and it was something I had written three years ago!

I'm definitely in a funk.

There used to be a time when my mind was overloaded with topics to write about.  Even if I had nothing to say, when I sat down at my computer the words always came.  But for the last couple of months, I feel as though a giant eraser wiped away all the ideas I had stored in my mind for future posts and has left me with only chalk dust where words used to be.  If I squint my eyes really close, I can almost see the white impressions of words on the black surface.  I said, almost.

So, who erased the chalkboard?  I could blame someone else, or other things that have put me in this funk.  But I know that would be a lie.  There's only one person to blame...

Me.  I erased the chalkboard.

The question that has been plaguing me for the last month is this:  do I assume that all I have been given to say has been said?  And if I do, do I delete this blog and concentrate all my energy (what energy I have left, that is) on the other blog I administer for a missionary in Malawi, Africa?

I have come up with all kinds of excuses for doing just that, and they really are pretty lame.  Such as:  what have I really got to say, anyway?;  there are others more learned and more eloquent than I am;  my readers are few and far between and rarely, if ever, leave a note to let me know they've been here;  my word-well has gone name a pathetic few.

When I went back over that list of excuses, I realized that I had my hand on the doorknob to a pity party, a place that I would venture to say most bloggers go when they reach this point of vacancy.  I often visit others' blogs who have come here to see what they're all about, and take note that the last thing they posted had a two or three year "past pull" date on them.  But the thing that strikes me most is that they haven't given up.  They may not be writing new posts, but they are still there and they are searching the blogosphere for inspiration; or perhaps for that fleeting glimpse into a place unknown to them at the time, but waiting for them to take a brief journey there, hoping to find whatever it is that has caused the void in their lives.

As I pondered the option of deleting this blog, other questions kept rising to the surface:  what if God still has more for me to say and that I'm too willing to just give up?  What if this brief lull in inspiration is only a time-out for my over-taxed brain and grieving heart over the world's antics; preparing me to once again sit down at the breakfast table and grab my old notebook (the paper kind I used to use), pull out my pen, and let the Holy Spirit pour words onto the pages?  What if that lone visitor He's been preparing drops by and spends a few moments reading what's here on this blog and discovers that special Someone who can fill that void in his or her life?

It's certainly something to consider while I'm in this funk.

Maybe I ought to squint my eyes a little tighter and see what's still slightly visible on my chalkboard.  I haven't yet taken a wet rag to it and there are still outlines and images of words  that are hovering there to share with those who stumble onto this blog.

I think I'll stick around a little longer.  You never know.  The worst that can happen is that I'll find myself encouraging empty space and air.  But the best that can happen is if what's written here is meant to stay on the board and bless a wanderer who drops in.

If that happens, then every agonizing moment of frustration over being wordless will have been worth it.

And God will have all the glory.

See you next time.

1 comment:

Julie Watkins said...

"What if that lone visitor He's been preparing drops by and spends a few moments reading what's here on this blog and discovers that special Someone who can fill that void in his or her life?" I feel like that lone visitor is me. I enjoy your blog!!!
I'll follow your blog for sure Karen.
I'm so looking forward to it. Julie Watkins