Friday, October 22, 2010

Stuck in Idle

Psalm 38:15

There are times when I feel as if the mental gears that keep me going are stuck in idle and preventing me from moving forward.  The day to day physical tasks are accomplished with no problem; although, I have to admit that there is a lack of gusto in completing them.  But it is my thought process, the part of me that is the most alive and productive, that is mired down.  It is in these moments that I wonder why the Lord is so quiet, why He seems to be standing to the side with a pensive look on His face.   Truthfully, His silence makes me uncomfortable.

It causes me to wonder if there is something I need to do, something I have been avoiding or delaying.  But then I think, if so, why is He not revealing it to me; why has He not made it obvious?  I mentally fuss about it, pray about it, often lose sleep over it, and even sometimes verbally express it to my husband.  But still, the answers fail to come and it only exacerbates my discomfort and frustration. 

As I have mentioned before, patience has never been a virtue of mine.  I have prayed my entire life for the Lord to give me more.  And God has been faithful in His response.  But during the idling times of silence is when I realize I have not yet reached that pinnacle.  I still have a long way to go before I am able to rest there, trusting that He is still present and still working in and through me.

Sometimes it requires waiting in the silence for God to get my attention.  Because I know He never rests and there is a great deal of work to be done with me, He must downshift my gears and bring me to an idle in order to be heard.  It is then that I realize that He was not failing to speak or reveal something to me.  Rather, His voice could not be heard over the roar of my mind's engine that drowned out His voice.  By going back into His Word and faithfully applying it to any and every situation that brings me to a halt, and realizing there is a lesson of patience to be learned, I become more content. 

If I remember that very important lesson, then being stuck in idle is not such a bad thing after all.  As I impatiently wait to hear God's voice, my mental wool gathering is no more productive than sitting down and doing nothing.  What I actually do with what the Lord will eventually reveal to me while I am stuck in idle is that which will propel me forward.  And the wait that I had to endure will be well worth the silence.

Now that I have that behind me, Lord, I am ready to shift gears.

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